Psalms 49:10 "For he seeth that wise men die, likewise the fool..."

I suppose that many people have a favorite uncle but I can't help but think that John was a favorite uncle extraodinair. He not only treated me with affection and love he also treated me as an individual, an equal and I genuinely believe that he had respect for me and my ideas. And sometimes I think he, a man about 40 years older than myself, even learned things from me.

I know that he learned a lesson from me when I was very young. One day, while sitting on the wide arm of his chair (which is where I spent the majority of my time when we visited him) he put his arm around me and told me a secret that I was not to tell my parents. He told me that there was an egg giant that lived in the ceiling and that if, when I got home, I would get an egg out of the refrigerator and throw it up to the egg giant, he would catch it. Well, my very young mind thought this was pretty exciting, too exciting to wait until I got home. So I took one out of his refrigerator and tossed it up to the egg giant. Do you know what? He was kidding. My grandfather, who had to clean up the mess, didn't get the joke however.

John lived with my grandfather because he had trouble getting around, he had Muscular Dystrophy since he was very young. In fact, he should have died before he was eight years old. He walked very slowly and very uncomfortable. As a result he spent most of his life sitting down. Despite his physical disabilities John was the most talented man I have ever known. He worked beautiful wood crafts with his hands, solved both entertaining and scientific puzzles with his mind, and inspired you to make the most of yourself with his heart.

Through his single adult ward, John had more dates with neat girls than I'll probably have in a lifetime. He even took me with him on a couple of them. He could hardly wait until I could date so he could hear all of the humorous horror stories that come naturally from the courting process.

He loved to tell me about his first date with a girl that he really liked. He was sixteen years old and he and his friend doubled and went to the drive-in. In the back seat John began to sneak his arm around her. He said that it took him nearly forty-five minutes to get it up to the position where he could just drop it on her shoulder; and it took him another fifteen to get up the nerve to do it. He finally got the nerve and dropped his arm but, just as he did, she leaned forward to say something to the front seat. His hand slid down her back and got wedged between the big belt that she was wearing and her lower back. Before he could pull it out she screamed loudly and sat up, securely tightening the belt's grip. Everyone in the area looked including the front seat. The other girl looked extremely shocked while her date had an expression that showed confusion, he didn't know if scorn or congratulations were in order.

Such was my introduction to dating. John prepared me for many other experiences of adolescence not all of which were this silly. I think that he was the only adult who bothered to explain to me maturity. I loved talking to him, he told me things worth listening to and listened and understood me without my even having to say a word.

Every year I looked forward to having John come up for education week during the summer. When I was 13 I got to push him in his wheel chair to his classes. It was one of the most fun times I've ever had. He even demonstrated to me how all of the salad tooth-picks get stuck up in the ceiling (using a straw as a blow-gun).

One day in April I was awakened from my 14 year old dreams by a telephone call and my mother crying uncontrollably afterward. John had died that morning. The family knew he would be dying in the next couple of years but, at John's request, kept it a secret from us kids. They weren't expecting him to die that soon and I wasn't expecting it at all which meant that I never got a chance to tell him how much he meant to me. Never once did I tell him 'I love you,' nor did I tell him that he was my best friend in the whole world.

I hurt all over, inside and out, because he was gone and the fact that he was in a better place than before and that I would see him again someday was no comfort because I never got to say goodbye. He probably knew all of those feelings without my ever saying them just as I knew of his though he never told me. But I still felt completely hollow.

I promised myself that week that, if possible, I would never leave a person in a way that they might think that I didn't love them just in case I never got another chance to let them know.

When I was nearly 17 John's father, my grandpa, was put in the hospital and was there for quite a while in intensive care but the day before I received by patriarchal blessing it was looking as though he would make it. My parents could not make it to my blessing because my mother was in with my grandpa and my dad was at work.

After my blessing was over Brother Miller, his wife, and I were sitting and having a visit. Ephriam Miller is one of the wisest men I know and every time you sit down with him a small portion of it came out, however, a small portion of his great knowledge took up a lot of time. But right in the middle of one of his wise thoughts the spirit told me to get home right then. I didn't want to be rude so I ignored it. But it came again so I explained my feeling to Patriarch Miller, he understood, and I excused myself.

When I walked in the door my family was just getting ready to head up to Salt Lake to see grandpa because mom had called and said that he wasn't going to make it through the night.

When I got there I got to stand by his bed and hold his hand. He was unconscious but was aware of who was there. Just my mother, her twin sister, and myself were in there so I announced myself and was about to tell him all the love and appreciation I had for him but had neglected telling him because I felt uncomfortable telling a man like Ray Carson how I felt. I was just about to tell him when the rest of the family arrived, I couldn't do it with that many people there. I had failed to keep my promise that I had made to myself. I wished everyone would leave so that we could be alone but, of course, they didn't I was heart-broken.

Then, a feeling came over me to tell him with my heart and I did. I spent a good 10 minutes thanking him for all the help that he had given me and how much I appreciated and loved him. When I was finished, this man who had no strength, had to use machines to help him breath, eat, and urinate; who had no warmth in his limbs what-so-ever, squeezed my hand with more love and warmth than any hand I have ever felt before.

John Carson, although I still miss you with all of my heart I look forward to the day when we can embrace each other, talk about my dates, and run together and when we do I'll tell you how much I love you. Thank you for the lesson you have taught me, I pray that I will never forget it.